I realise a bit too late in hindsight that me seeing you as my best friends might not be reciprocated.
I now see if not for my little sister I don't have a "best friend".

I'm scared of talking to people and it's hard making friends but nobody is close to me enough to know me.

I want to be wanted. The number 1 of someone, maybe because I never felt like I was when I was younger.

I feel like I might be too self centered for that.
I don't know how to react to people and how to talk to them. I'm scared.

I'm used to my loneliness and feeling alone but I never enjoyed it. It's still more comfortable then being known maybe.
I don't even know myself, how can someone know me too ?

I hate it here.

---

Then I meet you for real, I hug you and it sound like a final bell of dismissal.
I'm so happy before realizing that what I felt before is right in front of my eyes.

You find your people inside and dismiss me as if I'm not one of them. As if I always was an afterthought. Nothing more then someone to use and discard at the right moment. The resounding slam of a door when you say "I'm with my friends now, you can leave."
I realise, too long after in hindsight, that we might not have been friends in the first place.

I don't think I loved you in a romantic sense but you were so important to me it might as well have been.
I don't even feel like I've met you at all. And I don't want to try it again.

I look back at all the times you said you couldn't make time for me and the clear dismissal of not renewing vows and see.
I'm not convenient enough to keep around anymore.