I hate lying. I learned to smile to appease people because it's easier to show them the expressions they think should be on your face.

I've tried listening to you. Who you are. And I realize I don't like what I see. You don't hesitate in being as fake as I am but you hide behind false pretenses of being someone nice. You're not. You're a pushover.

Everyone takes advantage of you. Including me. I pretend I don't in front of you in fear you'll listen for once.
You're stuck 15 years in the past in a kid that never grew. I won't pretend I feel like someone who did. You seem to see me as if I haven't even changed. That makes me question things. Are you still stuck and unmoving, your 15 year old self ?
I'm not.

You're scared of growing old. Sayings things I said when I was desperate and wanted to die. For some reason it's normal for you to say those things and nobody bats an eye.

I'm stressed. You stress me out. I'm afraid I'll have to take care of you because you can't stop and take care of yourself. I'm scared you'll aggravate what you have because if you stop for a second you're not worthy of being alive.

Everytime I try to talk to you I say to myself I shouldn't bother because you never listen. You cut me. I never felt listened to, or important when I was near you. You hurt me so many time without realizing. I hurt seeing you older than me and still stuck in a time before I was born. Not willing to get better.
Aren't you exhausted from running from your past ? I see the ghost of it on your frame and they fill the space, hunting me in your wake.

How could you love me, the real me when you only see the vision of her you created in your head instead of the version of them you live with ?
You don't see my vibrant personnality, my struggles with my self image and self love. What I like to do in my spare time. You look at what I do because I force it on you but don't seem to listen or understand why I do this.
And each time I show you I tell myself I should stop because it doesn't matter.

I'm there and I make you laugh for some reason. You say you love me and I smile. Thanking you for your kind words.
Maybe one day you'll realize I haven't been saying it back for years now.